Authenticity

The More Self-Monitoring, the More Decline in Authenticity

I don’t believe in fate or the idea that anything was “meant to be”. There is no one way that an individual life was meant to unfold. However, if my own experience has taught me anything so far it’s that the only way to be happy is to be authentic. Bring the most real, strong, and passionate version of yourself that you possibly can in every situation. That is how you open the door to real communication, and relationships, and how you make the most out of every opportunity that comes your way. There is no way to live a life that genuinely fulfills, excites, and ignites you without being authentic. You need to be YOURSELF, not someone else, and not who others think you should be. Get the idea? Now hear this….

Self-Monitoring Can Hurt Authenticity

Self-Monitoring is defined as the ability that an individual has to monitor and then adjust their behavior, self-presentation, and emotions to adapt to a social environment. How much self-monitoring we do will vary by person and by the situation. Some of us do more monitoring in one context than we do in another. When we engage in self-monitoring we might mimic the behavior of others, change our opinions to agree and identify with others, not say what we really think, try to get the attention of others, and behave differently (what we say and do) in different social contexts. It’s important to note that there are two parts to self-monitoring. The first is our degree of awareness about the impact of our behavior and the next is our ability to change our behavior to fit that situation. The more aware and sensitive you are to your behavior, the more likely you are to change it.

There are two main types of self-monitoring and they differ in purpose rather than method.

• Acquisitive self-monitoring is done to earn the approval of others.
• Protective self-monitoring is done to prevent the disapproval of others.

Quick Check

Think about the different social situations you find yourself in. Do you feel more comfortable expressing yourself in some situations than you do in others?

How does your behavior change or differ between these social situations?

What changes the things you do?

What changes about the way you speak?

When you don’t feel comfortable expressing your true self. Are you trying to earn the approval of others or are you trying to protect yourself from embarrassment and rejection?

Self-monitoring is a beneficial thing. We all need to be aware of the impact that we can have on a situation because this allows us to behave in a way that encourages inclusivity. However, this can be to the detriment of authenticity when your sensitivity in a social situation causes you to behave contrary to who you really are. We all have great things to say, stories to tell, and things we can do that will make a positive impact on others and ourselves. If self-monitoring keeps you from finding a way to be yourself then there is a problem because now you’re not being authentic. Communication that comes from a place of inauthenticity is not beneficial for anybody in the long run and it builds relationships on a hollow foundation. Not being yourself is an easy fix in the short term and it will hurt us and others eventually. On the other hand, don’t reject self-monitoring; you need to be able to “read the room” and consider people as individuals.

However, it is the fear of rejection or need for approval that impacts us in our communication, especially in a presentation or similarly in a relationship.  Making a good impression and having someone “like us” becomes the more important goal and this leads to dangerous territory.  When we stop being authentic, we stop any ability to make authentic connections.  The irony is, those we are trying to impress pick up the inauthenticity and the very thing we had hoped to avoid is the very thing we attract; a negative impression.  There is a way through this and there is a way to be authentic, sensitive, approachable, confident, and real in any of our communications.  It starts with facing your fear, having faith, believing in yourself, and being open to trying something new, or maybe something a little bit different.  There are lessons in getting out of our comfort zones and in those lessons are opportunities for growth.  That leads to inspiration and connection and igniting who you are at your core; Ignite for connection.